Número UNO hitched....

Craig and Macall are hitched! We are so happy for them! We had an incredible sealing with Gramps Taylor. It has been such a blessing to have my own grandpa seal Ben and I. AND NOW--- all my other siblings. Craig couldn't be happier tying the knot to his beautiful bride. We feel so LUCKY to get Macall as part of our family. She is one blessed lady to have won over Craigerang's heart. He will be a hard working and loving spouse! They are on there honeymoon this week and then off to Chicago for Craig's job. 

Congrats you two!! We couldn't be happier!!

 The husb and wifey dance begins.....

 NO IDEA.... what is exactly going on here! It's obvious the reception is wrapping up.

 Jonathan and Carley... THE BEST parentals ev.... dancing with their girls.

 The groom and little Ry (J and Carleys youngest)

 The MEN... and gorgeous Macall! Who makes these boys look GREAT!

 .... AND the Tanner Ladies!

 Jonathan and Carley's darling fam

Sisters and Besties....

 And they're off.....

The Grand Finale of the Stirrup Queen.....

Tuesday was an incredible day. It was the best I have felt in months. I didn't look 4 months pregnant already and my tummy didn't hurt.

We got to the University and taken back to the transfer room. I was calm and so excited our day was FINALLY HERE!! I got instructions to disrobe and then as the nurse was leaving the room, she said; "Dr. J will be in here in just a few minutes." My heart dropped! All of the doctors rotate IVF cycles every 4 weeks and as of Monday another doc was on rotation. We were informed about this when we determined our start date but our nurse made several notes in my chart confirming we would still have Dr. H do our transfer. After our horrible past I wanted and needed consistency. I decided it wasn't worth getting worked up about on such an important day. The nurse talked to me about the doctor ensuring how incredible she was and then left the room.

I got ready and a few minutes later she came in to say Dr. H was on his way to the hospital and he would be there in 15 minutes. OH YEEEEEESSSSSSSS!!!!!! He was teaching a lecture to all the med students at the University and left in the middle to do my transfer. I HAVE THE MOST INCREDIBLE DOC EV!!!! The calm consistency Dr. H brings is incredible. He has a quiet confidence and incredible bed side manner that gives me so much peace and reassurance.

Dr. H came in and reviewed the results of our embryos. He couldn't believe our outcome. We got pictures of the two best that would be transferred. He was thrilled about our results saying they looked like text book blastocysts and the best he had seen this cycle. That made us feel even more confident that God is watching out for us. All 17 eggs took ICSI. We confirmed and signed docs for the transfer of two embryos. Out of the other 15, five were ready to be frozen and the other 9 will continue to grow one more day hoping to achieve the blastocyst stage.

A few minutes later I was given a high dose of Valium to relax and HERE WE GO......

The two week wait has officially started. I am determined to be happy and calm. We got home and I crashed. I don't know if it was the Valium or just the relief of it going so smooth. I have two more days of bed rest and then back to reality. I am so ready to go back to work and working out. This bed rest jazz is not meant for me BUT I WILL DO ANYTHING!! DOCTORS ORDERS!

I go in for my blood test on the 28th......I have to do a 10 unit Lupron shot tomorrow in my tummy (not looking forward to going back to that) and then we will continue to do progesterone shots every morning until the test.

Praying for a miracle! I hope with all of my heart this works.

17 BABIES ANYONE??? WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOO!!!

Our IVF experience isn't anything short of a miracle. The embryologist called this morning to say all 17 eggs were mature, took ICSI and are looking awesome. We can't believe it. I know this is all the man upstairs taking care of us. We are praying for enough embryos to do frozen cycles after this one. We feel so blessed!

Gail called me later in the day to see how I was doing and also congratulate us. She couldn't believe the news. For a woman that has worked at the U for 17 years to say that, I feel incredibly watched over. 

Thank you for every ones support, love and prayers! We will have our transfer Tuesday morning...

LIFE AND LOVE IN A PETRI DISH....

Tuesday night I did an 8:30 pm HCG injection. I called Ben after Heidi called me Tuesday afternoon and asked him if he could be home by 8:30. He said; "Yeah, I think so. Why?" I said; "I need you to do my trigger shot at that time. I can't be late." He said; "Oh, I don't know if I'll be done by then."

COP OUT!

REALLY?! Lou will be coming to the rescue! My sister is an ICU RN. She loves all the blood and guts! The gruesome the better... TRULY! I didn't take any convincing. She was at the batting cages with friends and said she would def be here to stab me. 

IT HURT!! The needle is huge and has to go all the way in!! It is the first of every day progesterone injections for ten weeks. BOOO!

Wednesday we had a girls day. Mom took us to sush since I won't be able to eat it for a long time when we get preg. When I got home this was waiting for me.....

I have the best husb EV! When we got bed rest instructions the nurse said I have to be in reclined position. I can't lay flat. He is THE BEST!!! 

Wednesday night with dinner I started my antibiotic. It gives you quite the headache. We also started my progesterone shot. Ben stabbed me and did GREAT!! You can't have anything to eat or drink after midnight and off we went to our 8am appointment for egg retrieval. 

Ben and I were escorted back to the OR with a new nurse we had never met. She said they were starting me in a different room than normal because someone accidentally took their trigger shot early so they started at 4:30 am and all the rooms were full. They gave me a beautimous gown and some warm socks. The room was cold. After I disrobed and put on my gown I sat down in a chair. They covered me with warm blankets and started my IV. They put my legs in the widest stirrups of my life, laid me back and started me on oxygen. Ben gave me a kiss and headed to andrology. Sleepy... Sleepy.... GONE! 

I woke up to Ben by my side. I was in a lot of pain. I felt so much pressure in my stomach. I began to cry as I ALWAYS DO ON ANESTHESIA! WHY OH WHY?? They sat me up a little and had me eat Saltines and Apple Juice so I could take some pain medicine. They gave me a hot pad for my tummy and a Lortab while they counted our eggs. 

The doctor came in to say they got 17 EGGS!! YAY!!!! What great news! After the Lortab kicked in they made sure I didn't get nauseous before they took out my IV. I felt ok so off I went in a wheel chair to the car with strict bed rest instructions. I also have to drink 64 oz of Gatorade a day. As the fluids are pouring out of my ovaries into my stomach it flushes everything out. I have never felt so bloated. I look 4 months pregnant. 

The embryologist will call in two days to let us know how our embryos are doing and when our transfer will be. Dr. H said we may have a Sunday embryo transfer but he was really hoping for a Tuesday transfer if the embryos all look great. 

Off to bed I go....

An ABUNDANCE of TEARS

I was told by my nurse yesterday not to take my shots in the morning before my ultrasound. I went in this morning for my ultrasound and the doc was thrilled about the results of my ovaries. I had ten plus viable eggs on each ovary. He said that night we would definitely trigger with HCG. Dr. H said to wait for the call from our nurse, Heidi to give us a HCG injection time and egg retrieval instructions. I did my blood work and headed home in good spirits.

About noon I got a phone call at work from my nurse, Heidi indicating my estrogen levels had dropped dramatically. They were really concerned and I needed to go back to the University to redo my blood work. I got there about two o'clock. A favorite person was right there to greet me. Gail Larson is one of the head nurses at the infertility clinic and one of my esthetic clients. She has been there a really long time and just has a way with people. She reminds me of my mom in so many ways. Seeing her just brightens your day!! Now she works with only infertility donors but a quick chat does a body good at each of our appointments.

She sat down with us and explained the results of low estrogen. It means some of my eggs stopped developing and turned poopie. They want to see a continual increase in estrogen until they retrieve the eggs. With the decrease Gail said; "If you were my daughter I would say cancel the cycle and try again next cycle. It doesn't mean next cycle this would happen again. This only happens about 12 out of 500 IVF cycles a year"

After the brutal details and understanding I began to really cry. This has been such a grueling process and I continue each day knowing there is an end and reward to all this nonsense. Gail shoots straight and I am HONESTLY THANKFUL for that! I wanted to know the truth.

The phlebotomist was ready. I went in to get my blood taken. They rushed the results but we chose to go home and wait for a call.

As we walked down the hall an abundance of tears began to flow. My body hurt. I am worn out. Ben tried his very best to make me feel better but there wasn't a way to make me feel better. The intense desire for something coupled with the inability to fulfill that desire is life's most painful combination. I felt defeated! Ben met me at the U so we came in separate cars. He held me tight as I balled. COULD THIS REALLY BE HAPPENING???? Benny got me to stop crying with his analytic side. "Why cry until you really know your blood work results and the outcome. It's going to be okay. Put your trust in The Lord." More than ever I needed strength. I needed hope. I needed comfort. I think I would have been fine if we hadn't had so many crash courses and bloopers with the damn Reproductive Care Center in Sandy. THE WORST PLACE EVER!!! I had to remind myself that we were in the right place, with the right doctor. I know this with all my heart.

The drive home was rough but nothing a mom can't make better. I AM MORE THANKFUL THAN EVER FOR A MOM THAT IS MY SECOND ROCK!! (my husb being the first) She has been there for me every single day! There are days I call her multiple time and vent over THE DUMBEST, MOST RIDICULOUS THINGS but she makes me feel valid. She makes me feel like I can do anything, always reminding me of the outcome! On all my hard days she reminds me; "It will be worth it Laur! You can do this!"  I SURE LOVE YOU MOM!!!! Although you don't understand a bit of infertility through your own body of conceiving 6 might I say, FABULOUS CHILDREN.... you are THE MOST understanding, supportive individual in my life of challenges. YOU ARE SUPER WOMEN AND TRULY ONE OF GODS ANGELS!! THANK YOU!!!

Dr. H called me about 4pm. My estrogen levels had increased a little since my last blood draw. He wanted to go ahead since we qualified for the guaranteed program. Meaning we get about 80% of our money back if we don't deliver a live born baby to try for another cycle. He said they almost canceled one of his patients in his last cycle for the same reason and she ended up pregnant with twins. He asked me what I wanted to do and I said I trusted his judgement. Dr. H is the most incredible doctor!! He said; "Then we will go ahead with an egg retrieval Thursday morning. Wait for a call from Heidi to discuss your trigger shot."

HOLY BLOODY HELL!!!! 

ONE WORD.....

RELIEF! 

Battered and Bruised....

It's time! I don't know how couples do this over and over again. It was a real quest for my injection destinations this morning. I couldn't find a place on my tummy that wasn't black and blue. If it looked like the right place the tissue below was so sore and bruised to the touch. My life revolves around shots. I can't imagine life without a table full of medicine and filling multiple sharps containers. I'm bloated as ever. I feel like I have poo cramps all the time except you don't have to go... thanks to the size of my ovaries pushing on all of my other organs. If feeling like you always have to poo isn't enough you get to already look three months pregnant without a baby bakin' ---- OH THE JOYS!!!

Today my ultrasound looked great. WHAT A RELIEF!! Doc said we may trigger tonight based on my estrogen levels coming back from my blood tests. About 36 hours before your egg retrieval your significant other gets to take out some well deserved frustration with a LARGE NEEDLED muscular hcg shot in your hip that causes ovulation. 

I got a call later this afternoon saying we would wait and Dr. H wanted to do another ultrasound/blood test in the morning. Wednesday retrieval is out. Hoping for Thursday now!!

Who is this more difficult on???

I ran to the store after work today. The back of my car was full of grocery bags. As I turned down my road I could see my husb had one of our trailers attached to his truck. The closer I got, the higher my blood pressure was getting as I realized he had parked right in front of our driveway so you couldn't get in. I pulled up to him crunched down working on getting his 1926 Harley started. I said firmly; "Please move so I can get into the driveway." He said enthusiastically; "Hi Babe! Can you pull down the street a minute until I get this done?" He was asking for a freaking miracle. My blood pressure went from simmering to boiling. I was LIVID! I said; "Ben, I have groceries in the back of my car I need you to move right now." He could sense the tone of my voice and said; "I'll do it right now babe." I backed up to give him room, put my car in park and started laughing hysterically. Was I serious?! These are groceries. I parked, got out of the car and apologized for my irrational behavior.

Am I really the monster of infertility? Could I be the absolute devil of myself? Benj and I joke that we may have a baby but we may be divorced at the end of this. Of course that isn't true but IVF isn't for the faint of heart or uncommitted couple. We have had more trials during this six week process than we have ever had. These insignificant fights are hard on a marriage. If we can get through this I truly believe we can get through anything. My husband is a gem! He is a saint! He is my everything. Benny THANK YOU!! Thank you for being my everything when I am broken, incomplete and irrational. I'm afraid that is becoming an every day event now. Not having control of your emotions and actions is the hardest thing I have ever been through. This is not me. This is not the person I want to be. This is not the person I will be. I love you with all of my heart Ben! Walking on egg shells won't last forever!!

I start my first ultrasound and blood work on Monday to see when we are ready for our egg retrieval..... OH HELL YES!!

TRIPLE THREAT----

My other two injections start today along with Lupron and Ben starts his antibiotic. Nothing like scheduling in an extra half hour into your morning to shoot up.

1. LUPRON- continues until my egg retrieval but my dose is halved. I started at 10 units and now I take 5. 

2. GONAL F PEN- these are highly purified FSH and LH. They are also subcutaneous injections in the lower abdomen. This one stimulates the growth and maturation of the eggs.
SIDE EFFECTS: Ovarian discomfort, abdominal bloating, ovarian cysts and multiple pregnancies in 10-50% of women... OH YES!

3. REPRONEX- contains follicle stimulating hormone and luteinizing hormone also injected subcutaneously. You have to fill the syringe with a large needle first and then inject with the smaller one. I was prescribed 

As I was filling the syringe this morning Ben saw the larger needle and had to leave for work rather quickly. This is the man that has to give me my hcg injections every day with that larger needle for TEN WEEKS! Pray for him!! This injection definitely burns the most. You take liquid out of one vile and inject it into powder in another. After it dissolves you pull all of it back into the syringe and inject it. My tummy has a rash around this injection site.

SIDE EFFECTS: Headaches, stomach pain, bruising, pain and redness at injection site.

4. Ben started DOXYCYCLINE--we will both take this antibiotic. It is prescribed to men to reduce the low levels of bacteria found in semen because the bacteria may compromise the performance of the sperm. It is given to the female partner to reduce the risk of a pelvic or ovarian infection following the retrieval of the eggs.