Our journey as husband and wife has been tough. Infertility brings out the best but most times the absolute worst in a person. I'm more than guilty of the worst side. For the first time in my whole life I experienced depression, along with hopelessness, intense anger, physical and emotional pain, jealousy and heart ache. The emotions run ram-pet from one extreme to the next some times with in minutes of one another. During our cycles of in-vitro I would cry for no reason at all. Ben would ask me what is wrong and the answer often times was sincerely nothing. I would have a great day but the tears would flow like rivers. He would hold me tight and promise everything would be ok. He would promise that we would have a family. I don't know how He could have so much faith when I was so doubtful of the hellish route we were on. He never lost sight of our goal and gave me all of his strength to carry on. Through our ups and lot of downs over the past several years I have learned that it is the vulnerable, faithful, sincere, genuine man that captured my whole heart. I can't imagine being on this journey with anyone else in the whole world by my side. He truly is my everything.
Before this last cycle of in-vitro, I realized that with or without kids I was the happiest wife alive. Maybe this is where I needed to end up in order for God to be bless us with children. I will never know, but I truly did find myself for the first time not needing any more than the man that stood by me through hell or high water, loving me for me. My erratic hormones of emotions were engulfed by pure love and service time and time again when they weren't deserved. He is, hands down, the best husband alive! Thank you to all the love and constant laughter you bring to our marriage!
I feel overwhelmed by the love and support of family. Friends that we too call family. There have been so many angels in our lives over the years that have made our journey easier.
First, and foremost my Mom. She is super woman! Mothers do know their children and I can't wait to have understanding of the infinite intuition that my mom has for me. She knows me far better then any friend. She has brought us meal after meal through this process of endless bed rests over the years. Her daily calls to check on me, just in the nick of time often saved me (most importantly Ben) from a break down. A mom of this caliber just doesn't come around. Mom, YOU truly are MY super woman! I can hardly wait for these babes to meet the most amazing woman alive and call her grandma!!
Second-- my Dad!!! He has given me so much strength through the priesthood. I have always had a huge testimony of the healing power of the priesthood because of the way it has always worked miracles in my life. From a small child dad taught us to use the power of the priesthood in our lives. My dad is more than a man. He is a priesthood man. He is a patriarch that STILL knows what his ADULT CHILDREN need. He came over to give me a blessing before our last in-vitro transfer with the inspiration to give me a healing blessing with oil. He is a man of faith. He is a man of honesty. He is a man of friendship. He is a man of generosity. He is a man of service. He is a man of laughter. He is a man of love. He is a man of miracles. He is a man of example. He is a man of the gospel. He is one incredible man! I feel very blessed to call him, DAD! Now we have a joke in our family that Dad's priesthood blessing bring about twins SOOOOOO WATCH OUT! Be very careful what you wish for. Lou has been sick and I told her be very scared when dad puts his hands on your head. Thank you DAD!!!!!
Third-- My sister in law! Briana is married to Ben's older brother. We married brothers with in a few months of each other and for us--- Bri and I, it was love at first sight. From the beginning we just worked. She may be five year younger then me but you would never know it! She has taught me so much. She has a heart of pure love and sacrifice. She has come to my rescue several times. I always take Thursdays off and we started the tradition of spending the day together shortly after she had little Samantha last April. It is truly amazing the impact that a sister and niece can have on a broken heart. There were days I was an emotional wreck and in physical pain from hormone injections and some how these two special ladies brought sunshine and love day after day. I love you Bri! It is no wonder that we were made sisters through marriage. We were meant to be together! Thank you for sharing the love of being a mother with me. Not to mention your little non-sleeping, happy, gorgeous angel. She came into our family at the perfect time. I know she has everything to do with bringing these two miracle spirits into our family. Holding and loving on her has brought me so much peace. I can't express my gratitude and love enough of what our friendship means. You are an incredible friend, daughter, sister, wife and mother. Thank you for being YOU!!!
Brosephine-- I have four brothers and love them all but one in particular and his wife have been my angels through the IVF process. He is my only brother so far that knows the joy that comes from babies so maybe it is the understanding of the pain we were feeling. I'm thankful for JT and Carley. Jonathan and I are only 18 months apart and because of that we've always been close. He has called me random-- PERFECT times over the past few years just to check on me. This has meant so much! Right before this last cycle Ben and I were trying to decide if we should go ahead with it and start meds or wait until the next one. JT called me out of the blue the afternoon before the doc had to know to check and see how I was feeling. After we talked a while he said; "Laur, please don't wait any longer. This one could be the one. Then our babies will only be a few months apart." They planned there last baby with our July IVF cycle that didn't take so they are expecting their fourth, a little girl and last baby in April. This will put our babes just two months apart. For some reason this gave me the strength to move forward, after all what did I have to lose? I didn't have a baby and it could only get us one step closer to our goal. Jonathan and I have tried to have babies together since Jonathan and Carley's first. It was always close but unfortunately ours ended up in miscarriages. We have failed every time until now but they have never stopped being our cheerleaders! Thank you for checking on us!! You two are amazing with the cutest fam in town! Love you both!!!
There are so many others that have helped our roller coaster be a little less intense along the way. We will be forever grateful for your prayers, support, love and sacrifice in our behalf. We are both overwhelmed with gratitude for the opportunity to be parents next year. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment